my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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