I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
