I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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