I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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