I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
