And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
