He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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