I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
