I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
