Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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