did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
