the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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