some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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