I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
