Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
