Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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