and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
