Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
True strength comes from lack of pants
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
