im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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