when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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