Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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