apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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