i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize