He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
