Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
