Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you win again, gameday.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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