I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
