Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I cockslap morals
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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