i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
