they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
