dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
