Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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