you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
