My friends, they love my intelligence
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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