just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
