i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
