he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize