I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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