pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize