I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
