I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
