Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
