Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
