the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
