All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
