you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
