I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
