best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
