I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
