just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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