so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
