dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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