I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
