Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
