I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
