i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
