I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize