they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
