his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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