I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
