your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
