Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
