What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
