OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
