don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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