I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
