I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
