I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
