DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
