question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
