Yo dont text me then not text me
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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