I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
