That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
