I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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