Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
