At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
