So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize