So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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