Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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