so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
