I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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