Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
